Kale Me Now

While anyone who knows me definitely knows that I can house a burger with the grace of a linebacker and that an excellent cheese plate render me speechless with joy, I genuinely enjoy salads, vegetables, fruit, whole grains, etc, and would prefer to eat them Mon-Fri over indulgent food. Perhaps this is because big lunches make me want to high-jump into a bed and sleep the afternoon away, but more importantly, I will happily admit that healthy food makes me feel fantastic, and a little creativity goes a long way when it comes to making things taste fancier than they are.

The exception is f*@$ing kale.

During my first week in the real world, I went ahead and bought a family sized bag of kale because I mistakenly assumed I could eat the entire thing over the course of a week for lunch/dinner. While I have never actually looked up kale’s nutritional benefits, I gleefully deemed it a SUPERFOOD! and imagined myself delicately eating it on the daily, and then returning for another bag the next week. This bag of kale became my nemesis. No matter how many handfuls I shoved into my Tupperware for work salads, or sautéed with eggs and quinoa for dinner, it seemed to grow.  I would nervously pop the top off my container at work and a pit would form in my stomach, my jaw tensing at the thought of ravenously chewing like a woodchuck on the dark green Like ivy or weeds, the kale sprouted new leaves on the hour, until I was sure I could see it poking out of the fridge when I shut the door. After a week of this debacle, I finally shoved the remaining kale in the trash. The bag mocked me – it genuinely appeared as if I had only skimmed a few leaves off the top. F*@$ing kale. The next few week, I bought Spring Mixed greens (and made several PB+Js) in an attempt to reduce my PKTSD (post-kale traumatic disorder). But kale fills you up nicely and can be used for lunch OR dinner, so last week, I bought it again. This time, I bought the JV sized bag instead of the NFL edition. It was much more manageable, and I did not have to carry it around in a backpack. Also, I looked up and tried my hand at several different recipes that incorporate kale beyond stir fry and salad, like this recipe, making it much more manageable. I made it without the pasta, and instead used brown rice with MORE kale because I’m sooo healthy and fit.  You can also massage it with olive oil (#highmaitenance) and let it sit chopped in your tupper overnight before adding dressing and goodies for a nice salad that does not make you feel like you just singlehandedly demolished someone’s home with your teeth.

image (23) image (24)

  The takeaway here is: get creative with kale. Don’t buy enough to feed a traveling circus. And massage those bad boys.


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